“Do not be CONFORMED (molded, shaped, controlled, dictated to, manipulated by) by the world
around you (The environment, circumstances, conditions, people, events etc.) but be TRANSFORMED
by the RENEWING OF YOUR MIND so that you may experience the good, acceptable and perfect will of God for your life.” (Romans 12:2)

THE RENEWED MIND; Key to a Winning Lifestyle!
By: Neil D. Gass

“Oh, he/she makes me so angry!” “Being around you makes me feel so inadequate!” “Days like this make me feel like quitting!” The problem’s not that we simply say such things but that we believe them! We’ve been taught to believe that people, conditions, events etc. actually determine our feelings. So, we feel angry, resentful, helpless, want to hurt them, want them to change, or want to change them. We resist them, blame them, excuse ourselves, and manipulate them openly or covertly. Because we believe, “If only they would or wouldn’t… If they’d just be reasonable & change, my life, my feelings, my situation would be so much better!”

And, of course, they respond to us by resisting our manipulation, going on the defensive, shifting the blame back to us. “If you hadn’t… I wouldn’t!” “If you had… I would have!” We see them as our problem; they see us as their problem. So, nobody’s going to solve the problem because they’re not responsible for it. If it’s not people, it’s circumstances, events, conditions, the economy, society, heredity, genes, family dynamics, the job, the devil “doing it to me!”

As long as you believe the myth that such power & control lie in forces outside of yourself, nothing will get better for you. You’ll stay frustrated, stuck, depressed, anxious, angry, defeated, disempowered & helpless. You can’t solve the problem if you’re focused on the blame! Ultimately, it doesn’t matter who did what to whom when. You can’t change that now, But you can change what you do about it today & thereby you will be changing your life & your future!

STOP people & circumstances “PUSHING YOUR BUTTONS!”

A couple in an abusive relationship is referred for counseling. “Tell me what occurs leading up to your hitting your wife,” the therapist asks. “Well, she nags & nags me till she makes me so angry I hit her.” He really believes she makes him do it! “So she nags & then you hit her. OK. Tell me about one time when she nagged you & you didn’t hit her.” He recalls such a time. “What makes the difference in whether you hit her or don’t?” The husband has no idea. “Let’s see if we can figure that out,” the therapist says.

“What are you saying to yourself inside your head just before you hit her?” It takes a while, but he remembers. “I’m saying, ‘Watch out, woman. You’re asking for it! You’re making me mad! You’re pushing my buttons! You’re gonna get it!’ Then I hit her.” “Very helpful. Now, when you don’t hit her, what have you been saying to yourself inside your head?” “I’m saying. “Woman, you’re not worth it. You’re not getting to me. You’re not pushing my buttons. You’re not gonna get me to hit you. I’m not getting in trouble with the cops over you! I’m outta here!’ Then I walk out the door.”

“Great! Now, let’s get it straight. She nags both when you hit her & when you don’t. Right?” “Right.” So, since she didn’t change her behavior towards you, what really determines whether or not she gets hit?” It took a while, but dawn finally broke on Marble Head! He “got it.” He saw that it wasn’t what she said to him when she nagged him that made him hit her. It was what he said to himself while she was still talking that made him angry & made him hit his wife! When he changed his internal dialog, he changed his emotions & his behaviors. He got out of the passenger’s seat of his own life & into the driver’s seat & took back both his options & his power! Whether or not his wife changed, he changed his own world & his future.

“As a man thinks in his heart so he is.” (Proverbs 23:7) Nobody makes you feel anything. Nobody can. You create every emotion you feel by what you say to yourself! You feel what you feel because you think what you think! Emotions are largely the biochemical & physiological creation of thoughts, not reactions to people, circumstances, conditions etc. Take charge of your thoughts & you take charge of your emotions & your life! But you have to give up the “button” theory, before you can take your power. There are no such things as “buttons,” just issues you don’t want to be responsible for! Give up the blame game. Allow God to begin the “renewing of your mind” ( Rom. 12:2) today. Accepting personal responsibility is always the beginning of change!

NEXT EDITION of MESSAGE : More about the process of “renewing the mind!”